My relationship with Felicity the Float has been somewhat well documented on this blog. But today I have a sad announcement – we will no longer be seen together.
I can’t go into too much detail because we didn’t have a pre-nup and the settlement is currently going through the courts.
But the short story is, yesterday morning I swam 1500m without her. It was amazing. This record-breaking achievement was completed in a burst of 600 metres non-stop, followed by another 600m non-stop, followed by 300m non-stop. At which point, I was very pleased with myself but a bit knackered. So I thought I’d finish my session with a few lengths using Felicity.
I grabbed her from her preferred vantage point on the side of the pool and we set off.
I immediately felt uncomfortable.
My legs wanted to kick and move naturally… I had finally found a comfortable rhythm with my breathing, arm stokes and kicks – and it was all suddenly thrown off-kilter by essentially sticking both my legs to a foam float.
The initial 1500m swim had been completed without a single panic attack – for the first time ever, there was no rolling onto my back, no electrocuted starfish impressions. All the water I inhaled or swallowed was accepted with ease – nothing could stop me. But after just 15 metres of swimming with the float, I was out of breath, spluttering, choking and flailing around.
I turned back and returned to the edge, where I chucked Felicity onto the ground with a dirty glare. A few things were said. I may or may not have threatened to put her back in the lost property box.
So anyway, I no longer need a float in my life and can fend for myself. As with most non-amicable divorces, you can’t remain friends with both of us – so readers, please choose your side wisely.