Who Is She?

Who Is She Can Try?

If you are reading this then SHUT THE FRONT DOOR I really did it, I have started a blog.  Go get yourself a nice drink and settle in because I am going to tell you all about this underachieving, unremarkable, unrestrained human being that now has free rein over this entire website.

In my swimming hat and goggles

I don’t always look this scary, I promise

I am a 30-something female who works as a Sales Manager 9-5.  I’m saying 30-something because I don’t want to have to remember to update this bit every time I have a birthday, but if you are one for details then I was born on the 31st of January 1984.  I live with my partner Shane and our dog Matilda in a house in Queensland, Australia. My Grandpa Tony has a mini house in our backyard, like a garden gnome but way more useful (thanks for hanging out that washing while I was at the gym, Gramps)

I was actually born in the UK, but when my parents divorced I jumped ship and followed my Mum and new Step-Dad to Australia, where most of my Mum’s family was already living.  I still have lots of family back in the UK, including my Sister, the lovely family she created once I was gone, my Dad, Aunties and Uncles, Cousins etc.

For almost 10 years I built a life here in Australia (meeting Shane, establishing a career, buying a house etc) without looking back at my life in England.  My communication with anyone other than my Sister fell away.  The intentions I’d originally had to go back and visit after 6 months were ignored.  The truth, of course was that I was grieving for the life I had left behind and the relationships that could never be the same over such a huge distance.  But instead of facing up to the grief, I shied away.

It wasn’t until almost 10 years later, in 2015, that I finally booked tickets for a holiday back to the UK.  So off we went:

The High Street in Needham Market, England

This is the High Street in the village where I grew up – Needham Market in England

The family at Brightlingsea, England

My sister and her family now live in Essex, near Brightlingsea

The streets of London

The streets of London as they should always be – wet.

And lo and behold we survived.

It took a few weeks after we returned from the trip for it to really sink in – but something inside me had changed while we were away.  Partly, I had eaten my body weight in ice cream and consumed enough alcohol to keep a small brewery in business, so the waist line was bulging and I needed new goals to motivate me.  But more than that, I felt free and somehow in total control of my life.  I’d been planning a trip to the UK for almost 10 years and it had turned into such a huge deal that it was affecting many aspects of my life that I didn’t even realise. When I got back, I suddenly felt free to acknowledge that I ‘possess’ a wonderful life in Australia. That’s the only way I can describe it – that I could finally grasp that I, me, no one else, am in possession of a wonderful life and I am free to make the most of it however I please.

And right there and then, I decided I wanted to be a bloody triathlete.

If you’ve read some of the blog posts, you may already know how foolish this was.  I am a terrible swimmer, I hate cycling and I have the joints of a 70 year old woman, so running hates me. On the plus side, I do love being fit, and testing my fitness, and being fitter than I was yesterday. I have been going to the gym every day for about 5 years, albeit with no real goal in mind.  Doing a triathlon had never been a goal – I think if you had asked me the day before I signed up for my first, I would have laughed in your face at the prospect.  Something in my heart and head had simply filed ‘ do a triathlon’ away in a drawer never to be opened, next to ‘walk on the moon’ – a physical impossibility.

goodbyes

I guess in the UK I faced a fear that I felt defined me as a person.  When I used to describe my life, a large portion of the story revolved around something I was afraid of – that I had abandoned people, let them down.  In facing up to that feeling and surviving it, I was free of it. That mental freedom translated into a rush of desire to test my physical freedom – to make use of it, test it, push it, abuse it.

I don’t know who first said it but there is a quote doing the rounds on the internet that goes something along the lines of

Only those who are prepared to go too far

will ever find out how far they can go

How far can I go?  I am going to find out! Subscribe to this blog by entering your email address into the box on the right to stay in the loop.

2 thoughts on “Who Is She?

  1. Pingback: A New Helmet | She Can Try

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