Noosa!

The fam bam, post race

Post-race lunch with some of my favourite people (L-R Grandpa, Shane, Me, Mum and Blob)

A year in the making, there wasn’t much about Noosa Tri race day that I hadn’t dreamed about and played over in my head at least a hundred times before Sunday. Even the mundane and seemingly irrelevant details had at some point featured in my mind’s eye, as I’d excitedly imagined The Day I Would Become a Real Triathlete.

Finally getting to live through it felt very surreal… But live through it I did.

Yes, SPOILER ALERT, I survived The Noosa Triathlon 2016 and you are about to read the official race report.  ALSO SPOILER ALERT – it was amazing and I was amazing.  Now get a big drink (you may need a spare hour, this took me 4 days to write) read on and re-live the struggle with me… Continue reading

12 hours to go!

Time to check in

Noosa Tri check in on Friday

I am by no means claiming to be an expert on the bible, but I do believe The Book of Matthew verse 29:10:16 actually commands ‘Thou shalt be terrified of triathlons‘.

Indeed, I think both the Torah and Quran both include edicts (although forgive me if my translation of the Hebrew and Arabic respectively is a little rusty) along the lines of ‘Triathlons shalt cause terror amongst the peoples‘.

And because I’m always keen to offend as many of my blog readers as possible, as equally as possible, I believe it would be remiss of me not to mention that the Dalai Lama himself is believed to have unequivocally stated ‘F*ck Triathlons‘. Continue reading

3 Days To Go, I Am A Cucumber

Noosa beach

Noosa Main Beach. I hope it is prepared for my domination of its waters.

Somebody please, dip me in hummus and snack on me.  I am cool as a cucumber over here and loving every minute.

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that I am failing to live up (or down?) to expectations with the lead-up to The Noosa Triathlon. I am nothing if not illogical and unpredictable.

Because if history is anything to go by, you should now be reading one of my usual prerace posts full of nerves and self-doubt.  That is the pattern I have established and it is what we have all come to expect from this website.  But no.  Instead of fear and anxiety I am chipping away at my keyboard with the cheer and happiness of an oblivious cucumber. Continue reading

A Post About So Many Things, but also nothing

Kyle Chalmers gets gold

Watching the Olympics any chance I get – including at the Brisbane domestic airport. And yes I cried when Kyle Chalmers put this medal on.

One of the strongest memories of my childhood is standing in the kitchen having an after-school snack of apple and cheese with my mum and sister, singing-yelling the anthem of the Barcelona Olympics (surely one of the best Olympic anthems ever?) and watching Sally Gunnell in the hurdles. The northern hemisphere summer was in full swing – I remember hazy golden rays beaming through the window behind us and birds tweeting in the trees outside.  Although in saying that, all of my memories of English summer weather feature hazy golden rays of sunshine… And that obviously can’t be true because English weather is shit, so maybe I added the rays of warmth and light to the memory, for effect. Continue reading

Hello, this is Your Mistake calling…

 

Will you be on the startline? email from Sunshine Coast Half Marathon

Is this email a coincidence or has the Sunshine Coast Half Marathon somehow got wind of my injury?

I am really trying hard not to beat myself up too much about taking on the ludicrous 26.94km trail run, which resulted in eternal glory but also an injury which may prevent me from taking part in the upcoming Sunshine Coast Half Marathon.

Boy, even typing those words makes my eyes prickle and stomach churn. I haven’t come to terms with the possibility of pulling out, yet. But I am still stumbling around in pain, only just able to walk properly, with no hope of running. So it is important to start facing up to it.

Needless to say, it has made me wonder if the trail run was a mistake and this is my comeuppance. Did I get greedy? Was it an utterly stupid thing to do?  Was the feeling of being ready based on anything other than hope? Continue reading

The Happiness Assassination

Grandpa the devil

Me and Grandpa, the assassinator.

I have suspected that Grandpa is out to get me for a while now. And today I can present to you irrefutable proof that he wants me to be miserable.

Continue reading

Race Day Plan

Stradbroke Ferries

Boarding the ferry

Well I have had absolutely the polar opposite lead-up to tomorrow’s race, in comparison to the lead-up to the Bribie Island Triathlon (my only other tri!)

I started my new job on Monday and although I had been warned that my first week would be insanely busy, I was not really prepared for the impact it had on my sleep, my eating, even how much water I have been drinking. My ‘taper‘ was more of ‘an abrupt stop to all physical movement’ which was also not what I had planned.

So I am trying not to freak out about how badly set up I am for The Straddie Salute. Instead, I am concentrating on the things I will be able to control from this moment of arriving on the island – yes I am here! We had a great trip over and the weather looks absolutely perfect; the Triathlon Gods are shining down upon me. It is a relief to have not missed the ferry and despite the recurring nightmares, I was pleased to see our accommodation had not burned down last night.

My focus for today is to eat all the carbs I can find in the local restaurants. God help the other triathletes who might be feeling peckish. I am hopefully in control of this final rest up and going to bed at a reasonable time (sleep is not under my control)

Oh, and the race day plan. I am in control of that, and I am trying to put all of my spare thoughts into it.

So what is there to plan about race day?  Surely you just show up and do the things you have trained for!

Yes, there is that.  But as a regular reader of this blog, you know how I like to over-complicate most things. So bear with me. Continue reading

Race Day Dedications

Matilda the dog

Pick me!

A few weeks ago I had the idea that I wanted to get some masking tape to stick to my bike’s handlebar, so that I could write myself a little motivation message to look at when I tackle the longest part of my triathlon – the cycling leg.

When I first thought of it, I was imagining that I’d need this reminder at Noosa, when I will attempt the mammoth Olympic-distance triathlon I began dreaming about last September.  It’s going to be a tough race, probably in the middle of a hot day, and will demand about 4 hours of effort from me.

The little message I’m planning on is very simple – it’s a short dedication ‘For xxx’ with three names of special people I will think about when the going gets tough.  I’ve chosen the names because I feel sure that the thought of them will spur me on – but I’ll show you who they are when we get closer.

As the idea became a steadfast commitment, I realised I could also incorporate a race day dedication on the handlebars of my bike at the Straddie Salute triathlon.  And I immediately knew who I wanted to ride for. Continue reading

You’ve Got What It Takes

anzacday

In the lead-up to the Bribie Tri I thought that I wrote about freaking out over the whole thing A HELLUVA LOT (see here for example)

So I thought it went without saying: I thought everyone would simply know and understand that I have also been freaking out about the impending race at Straddie.

But then I got a message from someone I won’t name, saying that they were considering pulling out of the same race (in a fortnight’s time) because they weren’t ready and they were freaking out.  As though they were the only one.

Clearly, it seems that in trying to keep the blog a little more positive and light-hearted this time around, I have done a disservice to the three or four people who occasionally stop by and gawk at the photos of how terrible I look when ‘tri-ing’.  Because apparently it may seem that my massive ego is carrying me through this ‘Tri number 2’ process as though on the wings of a confident, calm and powerful eagle.

So, dear readers, pull your chair closer to your computer monitor and let me tell you a little story.

SPOILER ALERT:  There are no eagles carrying me through this godawful and terrifying process. Continue reading

Food Glorious Food

The girl in the magazine doesn't actually look like that

It’s all a trick.  (image from Pinterest)

It has surprised me that triathlon magazines, websites and social media accounts etc spend so much time discussing what to eat or not eat – beyond simply discussing what makes good fuel or not.  Not naming any names, but certain sites talk about diets and food with a blatant focus on fat-shaming and food one-upmanship.

Which is a shame because I think we could have kept the two things separate (triathlon and food guilt)

There are so many websites dedicated to making you feel bad about eating certain foods (I reckon you could name any food type and there will be a website claiming you should never eat it) that it seems unnecessary for triathlon sites to get involved in the foray.

We could simply have stuck to swimming, biking, running, shopping and racing.  With maybe some ideas of foods that help or hinder said training.

But no, I find myself bombarded with pictures of green smoothie bowls (WHY is it in an effing bowl?) made with home-grown kale.  Which frankly looks far superior to my giant bowl of Cocoa Pops, because of course it is superior.  And the smoothie pictures always have a smug caption beneath them, along the lines of ‘I managed to gulp down half of this delicious elixir before my 792 kilometre bike ride this morning, but it was just so filling I had to save the other half for when I returned!  I wont be needing any dinner tonight!’

To which my response is ‘Eff you, mother-effer’.

So I thought I’d weigh in with my own thoughts on eating.  They’re very random and possibly controversial, but it’s my blog and I’m just being honest.  Leave your hate-mail messages in the comments and I will take them on the chin.

DISCLAIMER: I will not claim to have all the answers on eating right all the time.  Because I clearly don’t!  But I also don’t care: If you want to eat right all the time, in my opinion you may be insane and this is not a post for you. Continue reading