Post-race lunch with some of my favourite people (L-R Grandpa, Shane, Me, Mum and Blob)
A year in the making, there wasn’t much about Noosa Tri race day that I hadn’t dreamed about and played over in my head at least a hundred times before Sunday. Even the mundane and seemingly irrelevant details had at some point featured in my mind’s eye, as I’d excitedly imagined The Day I Would Become a Real Triathlete.
Finally getting to live through it felt very surreal… But live through it I did.
Yes, SPOILER ALERT, I survived The Noosa Triathlon 2016 and you are about to read the official race report. ALSO SPOILER ALERT – it was amazing and I was amazing. Now get a big drink (you may need a spare hour, this took me 4 days to write) read on and re-live the struggle with me… Continue reading →
I am by no means claiming to be an expert on the bible, but I do believe The Book of Matthew verse 29:10:16 actually commands ‘Thou shalt be terrified of triathlons‘.
Indeed, I think both the Torah and Quran both include edicts (although forgive me if my translation of the Hebrew and Arabic respectively is a little rusty) along the lines of ‘Triathlons shalt cause terror amongst the peoples‘.
And because I’m always keen to offend as many of my blog readers as possible, as equally as possible, I believe it would be remiss of me not to mention that the Dalai Lama himself is believed to have unequivocally stated ‘F*ck Triathlons‘. Continue reading →
Noosa Main Beach. I hope it is prepared for my domination of its waters.
Somebody please, dip me in hummus and snack on me. I am cool as a cucumber over here and loving every minute.
I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that I am failing to live up (or down?) to expectations with the lead-up to The Noosa Triathlon. I am nothing if not illogical and unpredictable.
Because if history is anything to go by, you should now be reading one of my usual pre–race posts full of nerves and self-doubt. That is the pattern I have established and it is what we have all come to expect from this website. But no. Instead of fear and anxiety I am chipping away at my keyboard with the cheer and happiness of an oblivious cucumber. Continue reading →
Those who follow my escapades on Instagram may remember that when I visited Cairns just over a month ago, I was in the throes of running deprivation due to injury and I had to make do with some casual strolls along the Esplanade, which was lovely but close to useless for triathlon training. And that made me feel bad.
With the return of the warm weather, I realised it was time to get back to one of the Grimsey Adult Swim Fit Clinics. Or maybe two or three, if I can get organised enough to fit every available session in between now and The Noosa Tri.
So I signed myself up on the website (and paid my twelve dollars) just over a week before yesterday’s session, showing amazing foresight and time management skills even if I do say so myself. However (needless to say) the closer I got to the actual event, the less pleased I felt with myself. Continue reading →
I’m still alive! But it has been a bit dark in my triathlon brain. There has not been much room for jokes and lighthearted blogging tomfoolery.
I’ve been pondering my existence. As in, how useless is a human being that can’t run without warming up for 20 minutes? What kind of caveman would I have been, if at the first hint of a delicious wild boar racing past my rocky abode I had to stop and limber up while the rest of my clan starved to death? Would I have been a caveman vegetarian? How did I make it through evolution, along with whichever of my ancestors cursed me with these non-natural runner genes? Do I actually deserve to be on this planet?
And so on and so forth. It has been challenging, but challenging in a way that was totally made up in my head. Continue reading →
There were moments where I was not inept, such as when taking this photo with the beautiful ocean behind me. Nice shot.
Well, maybe I wasn’t inept for the entire 100km. Because I was on the bike, and if we have learned anything since I bought my road bike in October last year, it is that the Triathlon Gods have blessed me with ‘larger’ upper leg muscles. Big old lumps of muscles that are terrible for those really cute kick shorts they sell in Lorna Jane (because my muscles create the illusion that I am bursting out the bottom of them like the un-incredible hulk) but fantastic for cycling, thus giving me some kind of natural ability to pump myself along roads as though I have been doing so for years.
Frankly, I’d rather be able to cycle well than look good in kick shorts, so I am happy with this deal. The Tri Gods done good.
So yes, although I am mostly inept, and I signed myself up for a 100km bike ride (by the end of which yesterday I swore I would never get on a bike again) it wasn’t all bad. Here’s an overview: Continue reading →
Regular readers will remember that in the beginning, although I was pretty crap at cycling and it took a while to learn to run properly, the swimming aspect was the stand-out disaster zone for this particular blogging triathlete. We were all on tenterhooks for the first couple of months, wondering whether The Queensland Government would actually pass a by-law banning me from all public pools in this great State, for fear of tarnishing our reputation as an upstanding member of the swimming community.
SIDENOTE: If they did pass such a law, I didn’t receive official notification, so hopefully I am safe to continue to frequent lane 5 at the Caboolture Aquatic Centre. Yes, I have my own lane. That is how quiet the pool is here, if you go outside of the dolphins’ training hours. Continue reading →
Boy, even typing those words makes my eyes prickle and stomach churn. I haven’t come to terms with the possibility of pulling out, yet. But I am still stumbling around in pain, only just able to walk properly, with no hope of running. So it is important to start facing up to it.
Needless to say, it has made me wonder if the trail run was a mistake and this is my comeuppance. Did I get greedy? Was it an utterly stupid thing to do? Was the feeling of being ready based on anything other than hope? Continue reading →
I took a photo of the map provided at check-in, just in case I needed to refer to it on my journey.
I apologise for the delay in this race report, it was delayed when I vomited everywhere in my bathroom and had to lay down for an hour or so before I could face cleaning it up.
First things first, I was wrong about the Flinders Tour trail run course being not hilly. It was really bloody hilly.
Secondly, I was wrong about my body loving trail runs and not getting sore after. I am really bloody sore and I feel like crap.
Thirdly, I would like to sue whichever member of my family had the original idea to move to Queensland. Because yesterday it was 33 degrees outside and I am pretty sure that today was about the same. And we’re supposedly in the middle of winter! This was an issue because I always run faster in the cold so I am blaming the State of Queensland and its incomprehensible weather for how slow I went in the race.
But yes, despite some obvious problems which I will provide further detail about below, I made it. I am alive. The 26.4km loop was conquered. At this point in time I am saying I will never do it again, but I guess we will see how I feel when the afterglow sets in properly. Continue reading →