Noosa!

The fam bam, post race

Post-race lunch with some of my favourite people (L-R Grandpa, Shane, Me, Mum and Blob)

A year in the making, there wasn’t much about Noosa Tri race day that I hadn’t dreamed about and played over in my head at least a hundred times before Sunday. Even the mundane and seemingly irrelevant details had at some point featured in my mind’s eye, as I’d excitedly imagined The Day I Would Become a Real Triathlete.

Finally getting to live through it felt very surreal… But live through it I did.

Yes, SPOILER ALERT, I survived The Noosa Triathlon 2016 and you are about to read the official race report.  ALSO SPOILER ALERT – it was amazing and I was amazing.  Now get a big drink (you may need a spare hour, this took me 4 days to write) read on and re-live the struggle with me… Continue reading

12 hours to go!

Time to check in

Noosa Tri check in on Friday

I am by no means claiming to be an expert on the bible, but I do believe The Book of Matthew verse 29:10:16 actually commands ‘Thou shalt be terrified of triathlons‘.

Indeed, I think both the Torah and Quran both include edicts (although forgive me if my translation of the Hebrew and Arabic respectively is a little rusty) along the lines of ‘Triathlons shalt cause terror amongst the peoples‘.

And because I’m always keen to offend as many of my blog readers as possible, as equally as possible, I believe it would be remiss of me not to mention that the Dalai Lama himself is believed to have unequivocally stated ‘F*ck Triathlons‘. Continue reading

3 Days To Go, I Am A Cucumber

Noosa beach

Noosa Main Beach. I hope it is prepared for my domination of its waters.

Somebody please, dip me in hummus and snack on me.  I am cool as a cucumber over here and loving every minute.

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that I am failing to live up (or down?) to expectations with the lead-up to The Noosa Triathlon. I am nothing if not illogical and unpredictable.

Because if history is anything to go by, you should now be reading one of my usual prerace posts full of nerves and self-doubt.  That is the pattern I have established and it is what we have all come to expect from this website.  But no.  Instead of fear and anxiety I am chipping away at my keyboard with the cheer and happiness of an oblivious cucumber. Continue reading

Running Cairns

the real world

This photo was not selected for use on Instagram

Those who follow my escapades on Instagram may remember that when I visited Cairns just over a month ago, I was in the throes of running deprivation due to injury and I had to make do with some casual strolls along the Esplanade, which was lovely but close to useless for triathlon training.  And that made me feel bad.

So when I discovered I had miraculously recovered and was able to run, I knew that last week’s trip to Cairns would be much more successful. Continue reading

Got Grimsey?

Sunday morning

Arriving at Grimsey’s Adult Swim Fit Clinic

With the return of the warm weather, I realised it was time to get back to one of the Grimsey Adult Swim Fit Clinics.  Or maybe two or three, if I can get organised enough to fit every available session in between now and The Noosa Tri.

So I signed myself up on the website (and paid my twelve dollars) just over a week before yesterday’s session, showing amazing foresight and time management skills even if I do say so myself. However (needless to say) the closer I got to the actual event, the less pleased I felt with myself. Continue reading

I’m Not Dead

Matilda the Dog

I like this picture of Matilda The Dog

I’m still alive!  But it has been a bit dark in my triathlon brain.  There has not been much room for jokes and lighthearted blogging tomfoolery.

I’ve been pondering my existence.  As in, how useless is a human being that can’t run without warming up for 20 minutes?  What kind of caveman would I have been, if at the first hint of a delicious wild boar racing past my rocky abode I had to stop and limber up while the rest of my clan starved to death? Would I have been a caveman vegetarian? How did I make it through evolution, along with whichever of my ancestors cursed me with these non-natural runner genes?  Do I actually deserve to be on this planet?

And so on and so forth.  It has been challenging, but challenging in a way that was totally made up in my head.   Continue reading

Hello, this is Your Mistake calling…

 

Will you be on the startline? email from Sunshine Coast Half Marathon

Is this email a coincidence or has the Sunshine Coast Half Marathon somehow got wind of my injury?

I am really trying hard not to beat myself up too much about taking on the ludicrous 26.94km trail run, which resulted in eternal glory but also an injury which may prevent me from taking part in the upcoming Sunshine Coast Half Marathon.

Boy, even typing those words makes my eyes prickle and stomach churn. I haven’t come to terms with the possibility of pulling out, yet. But I am still stumbling around in pain, only just able to walk properly, with no hope of running. So it is important to start facing up to it.

Needless to say, it has made me wonder if the trail run was a mistake and this is my comeuppance. Did I get greedy? Was it an utterly stupid thing to do?  Was the feeling of being ready based on anything other than hope? Continue reading

Surprise! Part Three – Smite Me

Techy stuff

The Elevation Map from last week’s race. The one provided on the website must have been from last year’s event I think, which was a different course. The Elevation gain was 339 metres, not 244.

I am smitten.  No, wait, that’s not what I mean.  I have been smited.  Yes, I think that’s more like it.

The Triathlon Gods heard me crowing and saw me strutting about my 26.94km run (is anyone going to back me up if I call it 27km?) and they decided I must be punished.

This CRETIN dost believeth that she hast becometh a runner!  We art angry!

-Triathlon Gods.  Yes they talk funny.

I spent the first few days assuring myself that I was merely sore from my epic achievement of running 26.94km, which is nearly 27km.

SIDENOTE: Yes I’ve taken to casually mentioning the distance as often as any conversation allows.  In Aldi this morning the man at the checkout said ‘that’s 93 dollars and 10 cents please’ and I replied ‘Sorry did you say 26 dollars and 94 cents?  Cos what a coincidence, that is actually how many kilometres I ran last Sunday!  Ha!’

So on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday – because my legs were ‘sore’ – I took gentle strolls and focused on my swimming to ‘let my legs recover’.

On Thursday I tried a bike ride and a short ROTB (run off the bike) which totaled 200 metres before I was doubled over in pain.

I pleaded with Matilda (an angel dog and therefore – logically – in possession of a direct line to the Triathlon Gods) to let me learn my lesson some other way.

But it was no good.

So it is time to announce: I am injured. Continue reading

Noosa Open Day (Not A Race) Report, Which I Won

Ready to swim

Noosa Open Day Swim

I signed up for the Noosa Open Day Swim Series back in March, when I was still recovering from the near-death experience of my Mooloolaba Swimming Race DNF (which stands for Did Not Finish, just in case you missed my triathlon dictionary post a while back)

I have never been under any illusions about the dangers of someone who can’t swim very well (IE me!) entering a real-life ocean.  I’ve maintained a healthy fear of drowning in The Deep Blue since the day I first signed myself up for this triathlon career.  The DNF didn’t actually change that at all: I was as frightened afterwards as I was before, but no more so.

If you cast your mind back, you may remember that I returned to the sea with sharks and jellyfish and seaweed and stuff at Bribie, just a couple of weeks after the Mooloolaba failure.  Then I did some more Grimsey sessions.  I even managed the Straddie Salute Tri,where I did not panic and drown myself.  So I think we can agree that I haven’t developed a phobia of ocean swimming.  Things have been progressing well.

But – yes there is a but! – I haven’t been back to Mooloolaba for swimming.  At all. Shane and I did go for breakfast one weekend and it was a beautiful day with not a wave in sight… And I couldn’t bring myself to even dip my feet into the water.

So maybe I have a thing going on with the ocean at Mooloolaba.  And what I realised after the DNF is that Noosa is really close to Mooloolaba.  It’s practically the same slice of ocean.

And if you haven’t been following along at home, I’ve already signed myself up for The Bloody Noosa Triathlon 2016, which kind of requires me to swim 1500m in the ocean there. Continue reading

Straddie Nerves Kicking In

swimming poool toilets

The glamorous life of a triathlete

Now that I have no silly swimming races with which to distract myself, the unavoidable disaster that is  looming closer by the minute is The Straddie Salute.

I signed up for this race just before Christmas, as a way to bridge the massive gap between my baby Bribie Triathlon (300m-10km-3km) and the Olympic distance Noosa Triathlon coming in October (1.5km-40km-10km)

And suddenly the Straddie race day is only 7 weeks away on Saturday!  Which means THE TAPER is only 6 weeks away.  Which means PEAK WEEK is only 5 weeks away.  Which means it is time to FREAK OUT.

Let me explain. Continue reading